Can i not drive my cunt home
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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