Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
