My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
