We're like a lot better than the average bears
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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