was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
