he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
