Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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