My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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