At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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