If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
