Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
