whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
