dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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