He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
