just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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