You smell like stripper and shame
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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