That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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