Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ketchup is God's man juice
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm passing your future prison.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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