I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
