But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The adults are the big ones right?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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