my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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