After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
