ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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