so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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