that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
