Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
worst night to have a conscience
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
should my penis look like a turkey
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
