Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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