I think my vagina is haunted
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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