im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
