I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
