i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You don't make any sense
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