I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize