You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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