I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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