Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
