I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize