I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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