I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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