Pants 0. Shit 1.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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