Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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