It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
