Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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