I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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