If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
