Whod you bang
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize