Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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