I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
