She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
