babies were throwing up all over the place
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
