Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
