you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
