I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
