Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
