well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
