My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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