I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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