I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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