i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I want to fling myself into the sun
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
