Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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