Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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