We won't sleep together?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
