I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
