Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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