I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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