...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Are we in a gay sports bar?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Found the puke drawer
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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