i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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