My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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