Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
