every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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