I accidentally had phone sex last night
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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