we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
