ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize