I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
