We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
